Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
