everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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