Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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