Umm I'm too high to move.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
