So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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