it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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