Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
