I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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