So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
