If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
