I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
