I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
