I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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