Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
