lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
