sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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