Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
