dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
