So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
