Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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