I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
