dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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