Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
