i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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