Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
