he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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