Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize