At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
