Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
