I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
