And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
