I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
