I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
