I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
