He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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