dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
