I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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