Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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