Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
