I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
