so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
