i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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