God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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