my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
