I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
