I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
