why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
