You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
