Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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