I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
