His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't trust your balls anymore.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize