Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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