Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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