That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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