You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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