his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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