Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
