maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
