I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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