So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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