The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
