This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
