At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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