i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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