My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
