I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
