Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
