Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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