put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
