and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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