I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
