I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
