You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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