two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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