I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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