Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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