What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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