he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
