we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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