Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
