It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
